The Totally Unplanned, You Get What You Get, Blog
And yes, I 100% mean this is totally unplanned. Unlike every other week I’ve published on the blog, I have no rough draft for today’s entry. I have no Word or Google doc with well organized thoughts, margin notes, and edits. Nobody else has seen, read, or proofread what I’m writing, and what you’re reading. Because last week was a bit off-script, and today I’m going with it. So, buckle up… this could get interesting. Or weird. But, whatever.
I am a planner, so this is really difficult for me. Not sad and tough difficult, just not easy difficult. (I almost said it’s hard difficult, but then I laughed, because, hard.- yep I went there. Told ya this would be interesting.) I’m going to fuss over what I wrote, worry about typos, and stress over my train of thought derailing while I write. I’m going to have a thought, then lose it in another thought, and remember it later. Probably at 3am. So when you see a comment from me on an accompanying social media post at a really weird hour- yeah, that’s a 3am brain squirrel with an “aha” moment!
So, how did I get here? Good question. Life has changed for me in a pretty drastic way over the last month and a half. I went from stressed out, to really stressed out, to frustrated-angry-sad stressed out, to acceptance in a really short time span. And as chaotic as it all was, it was necessary and ultimately a good thing. It taught me a lot about myself and the people I surround myself with. It reaffirmed how awesome my family is, and how important my extended framily is to me (and me to them). And it lead me to last week. A week that was centered on connecting with who I’m becoming as a human and a 50 year old navigating a professional life shift. A week devoid of chaotic family activities and a thousand places to be. A week that was so beautifully busy in my newly embraced professional persona that I forgot to write a witty, bookish blog post.
So instead of getting cute memes and links to books and authors, all you’re getting today is me. Honestly, this is probably what I would have been writing about anyway, just with fewer detours. And more memes. But, it’s actually the true bookish me you’re getting. Because last week, after taking several cleansing breaths and reading multiple inspirational memes, I fully and completely stepped into my bookish life. Editing took center stage, pushing reading off to the margins. Don’t worry, I still read, just not as much as usual. Although doesn’t editing count as reading? Yes, yes it does. So I was reading, just not finished books that will show up in my Goodreads or Kindle book count. Yet.
Anyway, in an attempt to tame my brain squirrels and fully focus on the work waiting for me, I scheduled lots of fun social media posts, and then sent them out into the world, only checking on them when I needed a breather to eat, stretch my legs, or take care of those other things never discussed in romance books. (Do characters in books even pee? I know characters on TV and in movies don’t.) And the engagement with friends on those posts was wonderful! I was still interacting, what I wasn’t doing was obsessing over who was commenting, and what they were saying, and how many likes there were. I enjoyed the conversations on my posts, and other book related posts. And then I put it away, because I couldn’t wait to get back to work. Look at me scheduling little water cooler breaks like a good little worker bee!
You know what else I did? I went to a virtual (via Zoom) networking meeting. And I introduced myself as a freelance editor for Indie Romance Novelists. I hyped myself. And it was uncomfortable and cool as phuck. For someone who suffers from serious anxiety and imposter syndrome- saying those words, owning my craft, representing myself- dude… that was freaking awesome. Because imposter syndrome will always be a part of my life, as will anxiety, but going forward so will a small sense of confidence in myself and my abilities. Because I’ve earned it. And somehow last week’s business (busyness?) gave me permission to say so.
And there’s the rambling! But here are the facts:
I am typically a planner, not a pantser, yet I’m pantsing this post today because on Monday, I blog. And not having something prepped is not going to keep me from doing that.
I love to write, and I love to read, so writing about reading is usually easy for me. But last week the reading took over and the writing took a backseat. And that is 100% ok.
I have no idea how many people read my blog. And that’s also ok. I don’t check the analytics often, because I don’t write the blog for analytics. I write because someone will connect with what I’m saying, and feel seen because of it. For me, that’s super important, because I know how awesome it feels to be seen. Even if nobody else knows about it.
This probably won’t be the last time I wind up pantsing a blog post. This post is giving me permission to make that next time okay.
So, if you’re still with me, thank you. And congratulations! You made it through the mindmaze, brain squirrel detours, the typos and editing goofs, and I appreciate you for doing that.
