Life Goals: This Time I Really Meme It

Not even two weeks ago I jumped on a livestream with a book bestie to kick off a big bookish event we’re hosting in March of 2023.  It seems so far away, yet we’re hurtling toward that date really, really quickly.  There’s so much still to do, too.  We have our authors lined up. Tickets go on sale April 2. The venue is reserved, and it is freaking amazing.  And for nearly an hour, Julie (aforementioned book bestie) and I took other bookish friends on a tour of the venue and talked about the event. And it was the fastest 45 minutes in my recent memory.  I logged 12,000 steps that day. And I was exhausted that night. But it was so freaking worth it. 

 For days before the live stream I was stressed and terrified about how everything would go.  Would we have tech issues? Would anyone watch?  Would I say something really stupid? Would I freak out and cancel the whole thing?  I do not like to be on camera.  I much prefer being behind the scenes.  Snug and warm behind a computer screen, or off-stage on a headset, directing people where to go, or putting out fires as they pop up.  So, the thought of being in front of the camera was really daunting.  But I have been determined to be in front of the camera more as I get older.  To put my insecurities aside and let the world see me. The real me.  Unedited and sometimes inappropriate, but at 50 years old, whatcha see is whatcha get. Right?  Ummm… sure.

 Anyway, back to the live stream. And the event.  I think one of the reasons I was able to put my fear and camera shyness away for the live stream is because even though it was a public feed, it was still within a comfortable place for me.  Booktopia. Romancelandia. Call it what you will, knowing I was hosting the live with a close friend at my side, and it would (hopefully) be watched by people within the bookish community, brought me comfort. And confidence.  Julie and I would get to talk about this amazing event for as long as we felt comfortable doing so. And we would be surrounded by people as passionate about the topic as we are.

 Well, the livestream went great!  I didn’t puke on camera. Or trip over my own feet and fall on my face. Viewers commented and celebrated our joy with us. And then this meme came across my feed:

And in my post-livestream success haze I half-jokingly commented “Holy crap! This is honestly something I want to do! I need to make this happen!”  I say half joking, because, holy crap, how amazing would this be?  I’ve done a lot of things in my lifetime, (retail store employee & manager, restaurant server, office manager & executive assistant, high school teacher, pet sitter, business owner, karate instructor, non-profit director, knitting instructor, editor & proofreader, event coordinator, writer) and I’m constantly finding a need to reinvent myself. To do something new. To follow my passion onto the next amazing thing.  And who cares about the whole “TV show means being on camera and you hate being on camera” thing when you’re coming down from a really incredible livestream experience. Right? 

Because seriously…. How amazing would this be? And I started to seriously consider that maybe this is the next step for me. Or at least a next step for me. At some point down the road, like once both of my spawns have graduated high school. Or maybe…Wait! What if I took them with me.  Older spawn graduates this year, but our younger one still has 2 years to go.  But… younger spawn attends an independent microschool and we homeschooled for years.  Their educational experiences are practically ideal for travel!  And my spawns love to travel.  And honestly, they’re old enough where they wouldn’t really even have to go with me if they didn’t want to. But I’m pretty sure they would want to, because, travel.  The Hubster loves to travel. And his job allows him to do a lot of it.  So, what’s holding me back? Nothing! I need to do this!

 And this is when I grab hold of the brain squirrels and remind them to take a breath, sit down, and focus.  LOL.  Because, while that dream seems awfully achievable and realistic in my mind, let’s be honest, it’s not a NOW thing. For several reasons.  But I can definitely see it being a LATER or even a SOON thing.

 I love the concept of “soon” or “later” things, rather than “never” things.  How many of us daydream about doing something and then immediately dismiss it because it’s too daydreamy?  We escape into books where we eagerly suspend reality and embrace the chances others take on finding and owning their dreams. Then we close the book and return to a life of the everyday. But do we somewhere in our minds hold onto that belief that when the right opportunity presents itself, the right motivation strikes, or the right person pushes us into the right pathway we’ll seize that dream and run with it? 

 I think I do. And I think it’s why I’ve done so many things. Met so many people. And why I’m one year away from co-hosting an incredible event that wasn’t even on my radar two years ago.  A dear friend of mine told me recently that she feels like the event is “becoming a haven of favorites… very [we’re] having a party y’all wanna come?”  And it does feel exactly like that!  Even though it’s stressful to plan all the things, and many things are still falling into place, the energy is so freaking positive, it’s amazing! And I honestly believe it’s because Julie and I didn’t turn away from the daunting. We didn’t say “maybe someday.” We didn’t think of it as a pipe dream.  We decided it’s a NOW thing. 

 So maybe that dream of traveling the country, stopping into local bookshops and having tea with readers and authors, broadcasting it as a podcast, live stream, or feck, maybe a freaking TV show isn’t such a pipedream. Maybe it really is a SOON dream, another reinvention of myself. Another way to surround myself with even more amazing bookish people. And let’s be honest: How freaking awesome would that be?