Fangirling in the Wild
Peopling is hard. And when we’re surrounded by so much additional stimuli and our brains freeze up, things can get awkward. As I prep for some upcoming bookish events, I started thinking about how to make them more comfortable. For me, for the authors I love, for other fangirls I fangirl. Because, let’s face, being socially awkward is something I will always deal with. And I know I can’t be the only one.
Social media has brought us all closer, but with so many different screen names and profile pix, it’s still hard to recognize people in the wild even when you know them really really well online. And occasionally, we do venture out into the “real” world, with real people. Who we know, but not really. I mean to be honest, I might recognize someone’s pet before I recognize them. And don’t get me started on the friend who has Figment as her profile pic ;-)
When I go to an event, I expect people not to recognize me. I know it sounds horrible, but events can be chaotic. And if it’s someone I’ve only ever interacted with in a group, they may recognize my name and profile picture in that setting, but change the environment, add in tons of movement and noise, and that information goes right out the window. This can lead to some uncomfortable situations for everyone involved, but for the overly self-conscious ones (like me) it can also turn into crippling self-doubt and hours deconstructing a situation after the fact.
I always feel like someone is going to be angry with me for not recognizing them. So, 90% of the time, I tend to turtle and not approach someone for fear they’ll have no clue who I am and turn their nose up at me. I know, it’s crazy, but some fears are very deep seated and take a long time to extinguish.
So if I’m feeling this way, I can only imagine how the authors are feeling. We know authors are creatives, sensitive souls who take in tons of stimuli and weave them into beautiful stories we love to read. But I also know sometimes those same talents can create those monster tales that live in their minds but never make it to a page. Because they’re personal stories. Stories about being approached in a hotel lobby by an excited reader and not recognizing who the person is, and feeling terrible about it, and worried they’re going to be judged harshly by a fan who they really do love and appreciate but met out of context and probably offended (no, they really didn’t, but we know how the brain works) and will then tell their friends about the closed-off, snobby author (no, they really won’t) and will never buy another book from them again (yes, yes they will continue to buy every book).... and …. and…. and….
And I can only imagine how exhausting it is. And terrifying. And as readers, we never ever want our favorites to feel like that. So, I’m here with a solution of sorts. At least one that’s worked for me. I literally try to think of every encounter with an author as the first one. Whether it’s at their signing table, a hotel restaurant or lobby, a coffee shop, or even the airport. I would much rather them say, “Hey, I remember you,” than make them feel like a deer in headlights. And yep, I say silly things like, “Hi Samantha, it’s so great to see you here! I’m Michelle. I was at Knockout last year, with a couple hundred other people.” Or, “Hey, Hannah! I’m so excited to finally meet you! I’m in your Facebook group and love your books.” That author may not know or remember me at all, but she’s not struggling for a name, feeling caught unawares, and she understands I don’t expect her to know or remember me. And if that helps her feel more comfortable, that’s all that counts to me. Because I never want someone I admire to feel uncomfortable for something so freaking normal as not recognizing one person in a sea of faces and names.
I know more and more of us are leaving our homes and venturing to events, and we’re going to meet people we feel we should know, or who should know us, and many of us will feel uncomfortable and unsure. I’m learning to be open and accepting that I’m not the only one who occasionally suffers from CRS (can’t remember shit), and that definitely extends to people I know I know, but not in that environment or situation. So, if I come up to you and introduce myself for the fourth or first time, it’s just me trying to put you at ease. And if you come up to me and I don’t remember you, please understand it’s not a you thing. It is definitely a me thing. Please put me out of my misery and introduce yourself. I promise I’ll appreciate it. So freaking much.
Oh, and if you’re attending a signing? Find a way to write your name on your attendee badge. Bring a label if there isn’t room on the badge to write it. Trust me, the authors will love you for it. Not only will they be able to address you by name, but they’ll have the correct spelling of your name to personalize your book. And, yeah, other attendees will be grateful as well. It will save me from guessing. Or asking if you are who I think you are. Or asking you to introduce yourself again. Because, yeah, CRS is really real.
