Are You Still a Cougar if Your Boyfriend is Fictional?
When I'm reading, I'm ageless. Immersed in the story, I'm no longer a 50-year-old mom of 2 teen spawns. I'm the heroine of the story. Or the quirky best friend. Or sometimes the wise aunt/mom/grandmother/ neighbor, etc. And dammit, if the hero in the novel is 24 I might inwardly cringe at first, but yeah, that gets old real fast.
I want to be able to immerse myself in the story without judgement. To forget for a minute (or however long it takes me to devour the book), that I’m that old lady. Because this is what I’ve learned in the last year: There is a beautiful community of readers out there reading exactly what I am. And newsflash—they’re not all 50-year-old moms. In fact, many of my closest reader friends are way younger than me. And the last thing I think about before claiming/ sharing/ talking about my latest book boyfriend, is our age gap (mine and my BBFs or mine and my reader friend’s).
Books have become this beautiful equalizing force and factor in my life. Nobody in my friend group balks at me getting giddy over how much I love the latest 28/ 32/ 35 year old hero in the book we’re all reading together. And another newsflash… we all share the same eye candy online. Models, muses, thirst traps, they’re all out there, and yep, we share them. And nobody slaps an “under 30 only” warning or label on those shares. Because WE DON’T JUDGE. Nor do we care about age when we’re all immersed in that same fantasy.
And make no mistake, there is a very definite level of fantasy involved in reading romance novels. And that thirst trap culture, whether it’s aimed at 20/30 somethings dreaming of their future perfect HEA or 40/50/60+ “cougars” who may be on a diet but still want to look at the menu, is not a small enterprise. Check out TikTok and Instagram, and scroll through the videos, reels, and photos of stacked shirtless men (mostly in their 20s & early 30s) making bank off the industry. And not just from cover photos they sell…from their socials themselves. And before you clutch your pearls and get on me about “what does The Hubster think?” I’ll just tell ya. He knows who I’m sleeping next to every night (him, I’m sleeping next to him).
Think about this: If you’re in an on-line reader group (or really any group for that matter) how often do you check someone’s ID for their age before sharing something relevant to the group? You don’t. Well, I don’t. Because the commonality we share is our joy of books and reading. And sometimes having that huge age range is a major plus. I can’t tell you how many times a younger reader has asked a more personal question in a group and has had the wisdom of the ages come to their aid. And honestly, conversations and post communications with younger readers helps me feel more connected and less like I should just give it all up, buy a rocking chair, and yell at kids to stay off my lawn.
So, here’s my question for you. Are you aging gracefully or gratefully? Because there really isn’t much grace to my aging game, but there is a whole lot of gratitude. Especially when someone shares a new muse. With their IG link ;-)
